Love is so much more than desire, lust or anything in-between the two. Love is the understanding and wanting to see the person in front of you do well. Love is not a give and receive kind of relationship. It is not a transactional action. You do the things you do out of the kindness of your own heart. You wish upon seeing the person you care about and treasure succeed, but in the domain they want to. You want them to fulfil their own dreams, surpass their own fears, you want them to become a better person than they might’ve been yesterday. You are not building something from scratch, in fact, you are not assembling anything whatsoever. Your loved one is not a mirroring of your own, it’s not your reflection to manage whoever you want. You are not trying to fix your own flaws onto someone else, push them, reinforce them. When you love someone, you don’t have to look for the signs, they come naturally. Searching for that perfect lover is only pushing and forcing what is meant to come to you naturally. You don’t know what might be best for you sometimes, especially when it comes to a lover. Life will shine a bright light on them for you to see, but only when the moment for it seems fit. Only when you’re ready. You’ve got to work on yourself first and make sure you are in a right mental space in order for that change to occur. Don’t worry, it will come someday, you just have to wait.

! TW ! The only reason why you might be afraid of an abuser is because they’ve managed to implement this idea into your brain that you are powerless. Like they know you better than anyone else, they’ve set the boundaries for you not to cross. They have made you think that you are nothing more than they say you are. Like they have set your self-worth. Like they have the power to control your life. The chains that they have set upon you are breakable. You are not horrible for standing up for yourself. You are not exaggerating the situation you are in. The moment you feel that sense of frighten, that emotion of being afraid, you’ve only allowed your abusers words to get to you. You are not what others say you are. You’ve heard the same words your whole life, that’s what you are used to hearing them, that’s why they seem to familiar to you. That’s why they make sense to you. It’s like when you hear kind words, it’s like they’re not real. They are out of the ordinary. They don’t belong to you. You can’t rationalise them, you are not used to them. The thing is, they were there for you all along. You were just too blinded to see them. Nobody has the right to fuck with your brain like that. People who truly care about you would only want to see you grow, see you flourish. They wouldn’t try to do any less than that. They wouldn’t kick dirt into your accomplisments. They wouldn’t get mad to see you being happy by making your own decisions without consulting them. They wouldn’t be furious to see you happy by doing the things you like just because they don’t agree with them. You are worthy of love and respect from others.

Many paths you can take on, but only one road will lead you to your own success. Not by the hand of others, but your own. You’re in control of what you make, you do exactly as you please. It doesn’t matter what you initiate in as long as the results are benefic to the ones around you and especially to your own being. Put yourself first if you wish upon helping your close ones, don’t expect for others to find their inner peace if your own vision is blurry. Make sense of your conscious. Let the unconscious work by itself.

Being stuck in the same loop, having to relive the same experiences that teared you down again and again, it’s exhausting. You want it to stop, you want to get better, but at some point you start to believe that the universe just doesn’t want you to feel good. You don’t deserve the good that you desire. Maybe you’re not made for it. The pain that pierces your chest so sharply, the shortness of breath you seem to experience from time to time… The despair. You just want it to stop. You want to put an end to it. You’re tired, you’re visibly tired. You need an antidote. You need something. Something. Help me help myself because the baggage I’m carrying is too heavy for my slender figure. It’s tearing me apart. Again and again. I’m the passenger on a ride I never intended to get on. I can feel the cracks coming together to become one. It’s a constat ringing in my ear. The same tune that has been playing for too long now. It’s become such a nuisance. I seek peace. All I desire is peace.

I despise the need of doing things just because someone wanted to do me a favour. I despise when people feel the need to repay me for something I’ve done for them as if I expected something in return. This shame people have in themselves after someone had given them something, the need to repay the favour is some type of way, it totally defeats the purpose that a certain someone even did anything in the first place. That’s because when you gift someone something, you tell someone a kind word, you do a kind gesture overall, all of those things should come from the kindness of your own heart. Not because you felt the need to do them, but because you wanted to. Don’t do things with the expectation of receiving something in return. Don’t do anything at all if that’s the thought process you’ve went through. Be kind for the sake of your own self, for the sake of your own mental health.

You can tell about the way a person is by the way they react to certain situations and why they react the way they do. Poor behaviour is not something to look over. Coming to terms with your negative emotions is the only way you can correct the way you act and how you can avoid breaking others. The thing is, nobody is at fault because you are broken. Nobody is to blame for your poor behaviour. They’ve had some sort of influence on you, but everything that’s been learnt can be unlearnt. You’ve allowed yourself to become the way you are at an unconscious level. Now it’s all coming together to form the picture. You’re putting the puzzle pieces together, all the good and the bad, to create who you are. Don’t let the bad be more than the good. Don’t allow yourself time with people who refuse to change in the benefit of their own life. You don’t need many people around you to be happy. You need to be happy, but don’t base your happiness onto others. They shouldn’t be the reason for your peace. You are what you eat, it’s true, but don’t allow what you eat give the definition for your brand. Be better. Try better.

People have this need of feeling safe and they are able to do anything it takes in order to protect that quality. The moment you face hardship, you shouldn’t feel to need to protect your safety through the downgrading of others. Not only are you causing harm around yourself, but you are driving yourself into a state of temporar safety. Everything that is temporary goes at one point or another, but the crap you are causing around yourself may hurt others in the long run. Words shouldn’t hurt as much as they do, they are just some thoughts told aloud after all, but we care about our image. Not necessarily because we want to please others, but because we want to feel good about ourselves. The moment you feel good, you attract good things. That way you’ll never be alone. Because let’s be serious, who wishes upon being alone in this day and age?

I honestly believe that those who feel the need to lie and exaggerate the moment they retell a story believe that their life is not interesting enough to keep it as it is. It shows they seek attention from the wrong places, but they can’t tell either or not it’s the good kind or not, neither do they care probably. The moment you decide to do such things, that is the moment which triggers an unsatisfactory reaction with one’s self. It shows you’re not happy with where you are, what you are and you deliberately choose to spice things up using the only useful tool and easiest one which is your own imagination. Because things can always turn better in our heads, we can trick ourselves to think so. The problem is, we’re the only clowns in our own stories. The outer world is not as we make it seem. Keep things simple and real and you won’t end up hurting yourself and others in the process of things. You have to let go of the made up scenarios in your head because they’re way more toxic than you can actually imagine. See the world as it actually is rather than how you want it to be. Act instead of just wishing upon a thought. Create the things you keep on talking about rather than just talking about them because all your time will be in vain otherwise. The monologues you’ve had up until this point, they won’t make a difference.

The concept of knowing and understanding something come from two opposite poles. Saying you know something means that you have comprehended the meaning of a certain thing, as in when it comes to understanding, not only have you acknowledged the use of a certain thing, but you have decided to put it into practice. You’ve ran that certain thought through your conscious mind and you are ready to share the information you have with the rest of the world. There’s a long way from one to the other, but that’s what it means to grow. That’s what it means to mature. That’s how we manage to get better every single day. Saying you know something first before anything else, that’s something beautiful. Why, that represents the start of your Intelectual growth. Because that’s what it means to be human. To learn and move forward, no matter what the trigger might’ve been.

Love is such a deceiving thing and by that it makes it unspicable. Not necessarily because it takes place when you least expect it as it lives deep within the shadows until it becomes whole, no no, that would be too easy, but rather because it makes you feel. It makes you feel emotions and emotions are temporary, they never remain at one point in time and space. We get accustomed to the temporary and when it vanishes, we despair. Our routine has been broken and we need time to heal. Love does that to you. Love is nothing related to lust, lust is a thing if its own, but rather love is the most dangerous aspect of our lives. It makes you lose your conciuous, it makes you believe. Believing from your own perspective, you are subjective to the situation. A situation which most of the time becomes whole from putting the puzzle pieces together in your head. Well, love is the same thing. Deduction. Intuition. I hope it goes to hell. It is the resemblance of a ghost. It shouldn’t be living among the woken ones. The whole ones. Its place is not on earth, it can’t just… Come and go as it pleases. That’s blasphemous.